I complain a lot. I worry too much. I overthink everything. I hide my feelings. I pretend to be confident. I pretend to know what I’m doing. I can’t stand to be wrong. I judge too much. I spend too much time on social media. I let others’ opinions of me dictate how I feel about myself. And I spend a lot of time not liking myself, let alone loving myself the way I should.
But hey, I’M WORKING ON IT.
I’m working on me. I’m trying to be a person that I can be happy with, that I can like. This is a common theme among the people of our generation. We look to outside sources to make us happy, to make us feel god, to give us a purpose. We are in such a hurry to be happy and figure out who we are, that we take these sort of convoluted shortcuts that leave us with regrets, or poor, or brokenhearted. These ‘shortcuts’ often make for good stories and we can often learn from them and apply them to ourselves to better become the person we want to be. I think in order to be truly happy with ourselves we must take these stories and realize that we DON’T have to like that person that we were, but we MUST RESPECT that person we once were and APPRECIATE how we’ve grown and that we are no longer that person.
I have a hard time doing this, but… I’m working on it.
I think also part of the reason why I have a tendency to be so unhappy with myself is because of how single I am. As much as I hate to admit it and no matter how much I preach to my friends not to do this, I have a hard time NOT basing my worth off of what boys think of me. I sometimes want a boyfriend so bad that I can’t focus on anything else. When I see couples I just wonder what is so wrong with me that I can’t have that. But what I need to realize is that I’ve just got to let things happen in their own time. And honestly, as cliché as it sounds, who is going to love me if I can’t love myself? I think I need to worry less about when and spend more time living MY life and doing me.
And really, truly I. Am. Working. On. It.
A lot of times we see people and they carry themselves a certain way and we just ASSUME that they have it together. They know what they’re doing, they’ve got it figured out and they are crushing it; while our life seems to be in constant shambles. But I don’t think anyone really has it together. I mean, for all I know people look at me and think that I’ve got it together, which is honestly a BIG bunch of bologna. I’m nowhere even close to figuring out what I’m eating for dinner tomorrow, let alone figuring out my life. And I’m okay with that, I’ve got a lot of time to figure all of it out. But for right now, I REALLY need to work on myself, I need to work on being happy with who I am for who I was then, who I am now and who I will someday be. I want to be happy, I want to like myself, but I need to make a conscious effort to do so.
So, here’s to a new semester. Here’s to being happy. And here’s to working on it.