I Hate All Of My Friends

If you’re reading this, odds are I texted you a link and you semi-willingly clicked on it to read these little posts that I type up, which means you are probably one of those lucky people I call my friends. Now, I hope the title didn’t alarm you, but I need you to know that I love you, which is why I hate you. This post is about to be gushy, and for that I am sorry.

In high school I didn’t have many friends… mostly because I hated everyone. I had a couple of people that I would talk to and laugh with in my classes but I really only had 2 people that I actually hung out with. They knew each other and had been close for a long time before high school, but they kind of adopted me into their friend group. And I’m so glad they did because I think a lot of times we saved each other. We had some rough patches, I didn’t talk to one of them for almost a year (yeah, I know you’re reading this and I hate that we went on like that for so long. I’m sorry). But in the long run, I ended my senior year of high school with the friends same friends I started my freshman year with. I can’t imagine getting through that hellhole without them. Now, the three of us go to different colleges, but when we’re back together, we’re as obnoxious as ever, and it’s like nothing changed.

Because of my deep disdain for my high school, I became very involved with my church. The friends I made in my youth group are the people I adventure with. We’ve experienced so many things together. Our youth group is very close and through the church we only grew closer. We met every Sunday evening and usually there was some sort of activity planned for us. That was nice, however we really formed true friendships over weekend retreats, mission trips over the summer and a week-long camp in Black Mountain. We even got to go on a 10 day heritage trip to Scotland. We bonded over these shared experiences and I’m sure all of us would agree that we wouldn’t trade the experiences or friendships for any amount of money. My church friends have a special place in my heart because, no matter how far away we are from each other our roots are all planted in the same soil.

I know I said I didn’t really have friends in high school and I know I said it’s because I hated everyone there, but I ended up rooming with one of the people from that place. We were “friends” in high school, I enjoyed her presences and I wouldn’t avoid her if I saw her in public, but we never went out of our way to hang out with one another. It ended up working out really well, and we got closer as the school year went on. She introduced me to another set of roommates across the hall from us. Now, the four of us are practically inseparable, if we’re not together we are in class. These girls have become my sisters. We get on each other’s last nerve (sometimes on purpose) and we’re not a

fraid to call each other out. We fight like family, but we also love like family.

My friends are my world. They are my solace, they’re the people I know I can go to no matter what. They’re like family in way,except I actually CHOOSE to hang out with them.

I just said a lot of nice things (it doesn’t happen often), so you may be wondering where the hatred comes in. Well, you see, I am not a fan of feelings. But, when you have friends that are as awesome as mine, it’s hard for me to pretend like I don’t have feelings. When I am at school, I miss my friends from home; and when I’m home I miss my friends from school. This is the struggle.

This summer I will be working at a camp for 10 weeks. I’m really excited, and I’m going to be making bank. But, now I will be away from my school friends and my friends from home and I am NOT looking forward to it. I don’t want to miss out on random adventures, birthday celebrations and bonfires. I’m really grateful for the opportunity to work for this camp, but I will miss my friends a GREAT deal.

Also, while I’m missing my friends I’ll (hopefully) be making friends that I’ll miss anytime I’m not at camp. It’s just this vicious cycle of missing the people that I want to spend time with. It’s just not fair. I wish I could pick them all up and take them with me wherever I go, that way I would never be bored and I wouldn’t HAVE to miss anyone.

So friends, this is why I hate you. You make me have these feelings, gross. You think I want to miss you? I don’t…

But in all honesty, who knows where I would be without each and every one of you. It sucks missing you all, but it just means that I’ve been lucky enough to have something to miss and not everyone has that. So, thank you for being your idiotic, sassy, adventure seeking selves. And thank you for making me hate you.

“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard”

–Winnie the Pooh

Okay that’s enough. I hate all of you. Bye.

~Probably Cliché.

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Things I’m Bad At

We all have talents, I like to think that I have many. However, there is an infinite number of things that I am NOT good at. It’s okay. I’ve accepted it. I don’t need to be good at everything. In all honesty, I’m too lazy to even try and be good at everything. I don’t really understand those people who refuse to accept defeat, it is okay to suck sometimes!

So, who are these people that haven’t accepted that they can’t be exceptional at everything? These are the people that freak out over anything less than an ‘A’ average. These are also those pompous ass-hats who THINK they’re good at everything, but what they don’t realize is that what needs improvement is their social skills. If you are one of these people, please stop. Life is a lot easier once you make the realization. It frees you up to do the things you enjoy and that you ARE good at. It also gives us a subtle reminder of the humility we need, more often than we are willing to admit.

Admitting that you can’t be good at everything is the first step. The next step is pin pointing what you are good at. For instance, I’m really good at bossing people around, fishtailing my hair, procrastinating, and making memes. Now, this is all good and well but we can’t let the things we are good at go to our heads. In order to remain humble and modest, we can’t forget what we’re bad at. Realizing what you’re bad at, makes you not only appreciate the things you are good at, but it also makes you appreciate those who are good at those things you suck at. I decided to list out some of the thing that I am bad at. I think it will feel good, and maybe you can relate.

MATH: I suck at math, I hate math and math hates me. I know, I know “I need math”, “you use math everyday”. Well let me tell you, the only math I care about is percentages, you know I got to know the new prices on that 20% off clearance rack at Target.

SITTING LIKE A “LADY”: It’s exhausting always having my legs crossed, and who cares if I sit crisscross-applesauce while in a dress? I’m just trying to be comfortable.

SHOWING AFFECTION: I’m really not a touchy-feely person. I can usually be found scowling when people (including friends and family) hug or show emotions. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not completely cold-hearted. Occasionally I feel the need to give affection but it is usually short-lived.

FINISHING THINGS: For some reason I just can’t…

FALLING FOR PEOPLE: This is potentially grounds for a whole other post. But, long story short, I always pick the wrong people to have a crush on. They’re either a jerk, one of my best friends, or they don’t know I exist. And again, I really don’t like feelings in general.

SAVORING: Whether it be food, or a moment, I never let it last and I always end up regretting it.

I know there are many, MANY things I missed, but this is what I have for now. I hope that you can understand, or that you can relate, or, at the very least, that you don’t judge me.

~Probably Cliché.

The End of the Beginning

As I’m finishing this last half of my freshman year in college, it almost doesn’t seem real. Exams start this week and will be finished by the next and then it will be time to move out and head home. I feel like I’ve had a whole lifetime of experiences just within the past 10 months, and while I know there are SO many more to come, I want to hold on to the next 11 days for as long as possible.

I’ve honestly had the time of my life and have gained so much from this first year and I’m escaping with only a few, injuries, heartbreaks and meltdowns. I’ve made some of the best friends I’ve ever had, had some crazy, fun nights followed by mornings filled with aspirin and TRYING to remember the details of the night before, I’ve gone to sleep at 9 o’clock in the morning, ruined a pair of white converse, seen one of my favorite bands live(twice), sang for over a thousand people, and fallen in love more times than I can count. But these are all stories for different days.

The end of this school year has left me with so many memories, stories and this odd feeling of invincibility. In the most recent episode of the Amazing Race, the racers had to scale the side of cliff and then plunge 40 feet into the water below. Now, I could make some metaphor about how the first year of college is kind of like taking that 40 foot plunge, but that’s not where I am going with it. As I was watching, I was seeing all these amazing competitors hesitate and I couldn’t help thinking “Why are they hesitating?” “I would jump so fast, and I would have fun doing it.” Now the question of how I would react while actually standing on that ledge, remains unanswered (maybe I’ll find out one day). But, right now lets just assume that if there’s a cliff, or any other seemingly intimidating obstacle, I’m going to conquer it, no questions asked.

I believe that, for the most part, college is one of the only times we can be completely selfish. As long as you’re careful, you can do practically do whatever you want and have little-to-no repercussions. We, for the first time in (most of) our lives are truly independent; free of curfews, reminders and lectures, we are on our own. Some people don’t know what to do with the freedom that comes with being a college student. But I have taken full advantage of my new found freedom.

My parents were never super strict and I was allowed to do the things that I wanted and be the person I wanted to be. However, I don’t think I’ve ever been more true to myself than I have, here in this small college town. And I’m not afraid to admit it, I have been hella selfish and I’m not even a little sorry about it. I do what I want to do and I don’t do what I don’t want to do (this obviously excludes homework). I feel no ties to any single person, nor do I feel like I have to hang out exclusively with a certain group of people. I go about my day being me and not worrying about anyone else.

I am only responsible for MYSELF and MY actions; and there is something so freeing about that. The only word that really describes how I feel is invincible. I know, its foolish to think of yourself that way and I know, that mindset can get you into trouble. But, when are we going to have the opportunity to be this young, and this foolish ever again?

I may not quite be ready to say goodbye to my first year of college, but I am ready to face whatever obstacles are thrown my way.

~Probably Cliche.